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“I’m not very good, but mind if I tag along?”
This sentence epitomizes “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
Say, “Yes, I actually do mind,” and you lose a friend (an uncoordinated Beta friend, but a friend nonetheless).
Say, “Nope, the more the merrier!” and you lose a few hours of your life (during which you’ll need to constantly fake not being annoyed).
Some believe the choice to be quite easy, their rationale being that a true friend likes you for who you are; they overlook your shortcomings and simply enjoy your company. Others believe you shouldn’t associate yourself with anyone who holds you back.
Regardless of whether you’re too kind to deny them or too self-interested to let them join in, everyone agrees that doing the following activities with people who suck ass at them is a bad, bad time.
Playing volleyball with people who aren’t good at volleyball has one redeeming quality and one redeeming quality only: the likelihood of witnessing someone bump a ball directly into their own face skyrockets. Add alcohol into the mix and the self-inflicted nosebuster essentially becomes a sure thing. Very gratifying at the time, but afterwards you’ll be focusing more on the facts that:
1) No rally lasted longer than 4 overs all day, and
2) You had 25 aces, sure, but at what cost?
2. Flip cup
When you have a flip cup teammate whose flipping ability is akin to that of the dolphins from the 1964 television series Flipper in present day (they’re either all dead or, at the very least, can’t flip with any authority anymore), you’re in for a long night. Unlike with volleyball, where you can stick your dinger (opposite of a ringer) in the front corner and hope the action stays away from them, there’s nothing you can do with a shitty flip cupper on your side. Stick them at the front and the game never gets going. Stick them in the anchor position and you lose in crushing fashion every time. Awful any way you look at it. And if you don’t think flip cup is a sport, you aren’t flipping hard enough.
After 3 straight holes of searching OB for your friend’s golf balls amounts in 4 thorn pricks, 5 spider web walkthroughs, and 1 close encounter with an old rubber hose you thought was a snake, the hilarity of watching someone with a shit golf swing attempt to play the world’s toughest game loses all its luster. You can only shout “KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN AND YOUR FRONT ARM STRAIGHT YOU FUCKING IDIOT” so many times before the marshal drives over and tosses you a noise warning.
“I’m out of balls. Can I borrow some?”
No. Fuck you.
Might as well just call tennis what it is when your opponent(s) and/or partner suck at them: ball shagging/service practice/ready position rehearsal. The worst part about playing tennis with a noob is that they’ll think they don’t suck when they inevitably get a few points off you when you get so frustrated at how lightly their overs are that you slam some balls straight into the net while trying to force winners. Their smugness will make you even angrier, making tennis one of the worst sports you can play with a beginner.
5. Anything Frisbee-related
Come to think of it, as both someone who hates tossing the ‘bee with people who can’t stop chucking it straight into the dirt or into the woods and also someone who kinda sucks at throwing frisbees compared to people who are actually good at it, I think it might just be Frisbee-related sports that suck..
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