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40 Signs You’re Too Drunk To Keep Drinking

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40 Signs You're Too Drunk To Keep Drinking

1. You’re slowly and mysteriously losing articles of your clothing.

2. That four sitting across from you is starting to look more like an eight.

3. You’re singing songs that you hate, and you’re singing them way too loudly.

4. You put a $20 bill in the jukebox just so you can get “Thrift Shop” out of your fucking head.

5. You begin to form a strategy for a ridiculous startup business with your friends.

6. Someone says, “Guys, I’m serious, we should own a bar.”

7. You’re walking outside to piss because the line is way too long.

8. When your post-grad, former roommate buys a fourth round of Jäger shots for the table.

9. If you lose track and have no idea if your tab is going to be five bucks or two hundred.

10. Your pickup lines have devolved to “Hey you, wanna fuck?”

11. You’re hazing a random “pledge” via text, though it’s actually just a brother whom you never changed the contact info for.

12. You can’t remember the last time you stood up.

13. You don’t know if you ate dinner or not.

14. When you become “Hulk Drunk” and feel the urge to destroy random objects for no particular reason.

15. When the bartender starts pouring you another the very second you walk up to the bar.

16. When calculating a proper tip for the bartender starts to feel like a Calc 2 final.

17. You say “I’m not that drunk,” but it sounds more like “I’mnotthaaaaaaatdrunk.”

18. You suddenly find that you can no longer taste the alcohol in your 75% whiskey drink.

19. You decide that 1:30am is a good time to respond to a text message from your mother.

20. You start to forget your significant other exists.

21. You somehow get lost in a part of town that you’ve spent half your college career in.

22. You’re playing Wagon Wheel before midnight, or more than once in a row.

23. When other fraternities’ members start to look like punching bags.

24. If you’re managing to spill half of a new drink before you even make it back to your seat.

25. You’re peeing in a trash can because the line is too long, and outside is too far away.

26. When you see a new drink in your hand and can’t remember where the hell it came from.

27. If your shirt has enough spill stains that you look like a two-year old on spaghetti night.

28. When you’re singing significantly louder than everyone around you.

29. When you’re the only one singing at all.

30. Moving around starts to feel like you’re walking on the world’s longest balance beam.

31. You’re starting intense political discussions with complete strangers.

32. If you feel like at any time in the next hour you’ll need to take a dump. Better safe than sorry.

33. You forget the words to a song that’s playing, but you loudly mumble through it anyways.

34. When your “Sweet Caroline” to “BAH BAH BAHH” loudness ratio starts to get out of hand.

35. If you start to think that Taylor Swift’s music isn’t all that bad.

36. You somehow forgot the ending of a sports game you literally just witnessed.

37. You can’t seem to recall how long you’ve actually been at the bar.

38. You’re falling over twice as much in your boat shoes as the girl in six-inch heels.

39. You realize that you’re having a lot of trouble standing when a wall isn’t nearby.

40. You feel like it would be a good idea to rest your eyes…just for a minute.


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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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