Seeing as most of the grimy college bars you guys frequent probably don’t have a drink menu, calling the following three drinks “secret menu” items feels mildly inapt. Think of them more as “shit that can be made with things that are behind every bar that a bartender will make for you if you clearly describe exactly what you want them to do.” That’s a bit of a mouthful, though, so I’m not going to change the title of this column. Regardless, here they are — and they’re delicious.
1. The Snorkel
The specialty drink of Madison, Wisconsin’s very own Chasers Bar and Grille, a snorkel is a Vodka Red Bull that you shotgun. The bartender makes a shotgun hole in a Red Bull can, pours a little out (or lets you drink it, if they’re nice), then pours in a couple ounces of vodka. Then you shotgun that bastard.
Even as a member of the “Fraternity Men Who Can’t Shotgun A Beer” support group (#NFconfessions), I have no problem doing a snorkel. The combination of the sweetness and the lessened volume of liquid makes it an accessible drink to even the worst ‘gunner in your fraternity (again, me).
The best part about them? You’re literally shotgunning a Vodka Red Bull. Sure, they’re a little on the expensive side, but these things both wake and fuck you up. Snorkels are ideal for that much-needed 8 p.m. energy boost after a long bout of day drinking.
2. The Blue Wave Shot
The first rule of the Blue Wave is that you are never, under any circumstances, allowed to order one for yourself — it’s a gift shot. The best part about this gift? The recipient has no idea it’s coming. And, if they did, they would definitely do everything in their power to prevent it from being gifted to them.
The Blue Wave shot is, in reality, a two-part shot. The first shot of the two is a delicious combination of Blue Curacao, Sprite, Vodka, and Apple Schnapps… or something like that. I never really watch it being made because I’m usually too busy distracting the Blue Wave recipient from watching the creation of the second shot, which is just straight water (unbeknownst to the recipient, who thinks it’s alcoholic). If all this Blue Wave talk doesn’t make any sense just yet, don’t you worry — it’s about to.
The Blue Wave shot begins with a call-and-response from the bartender, who is holding two shots — one blue, and one clear (as I described earlier). The bartender tells the recipient that if he wants the blue shot, he needs to yell “GIVE ME THE BLUE, GIVE ME THE BLUE, GIVE ME THE BLUE!” The bartender hands them the blue shot, which they take. The bartender then tells the recipient that if they want the second shot, they need to yell “GIVE ME THE WAVE, GIVE ME THE WAVE, GIVE ME THE WAVE!” Instead of handing them the clear shot, though, they tell the recipient that if they want it, they need to scream louder. Then, in the middle of their second (or third) “GIVE ME THE WAVE!” chant, the bartender gives them the wave — by throwing the cup of water in their face. It’s great.
Here’s a video I took of PGP Writer Will deFries taking a Blue Wave shot that I bought him so you can fully enjoy this shot’s glory.
Hahaha fuck you, Will!
3. The Jersey Turnpike
It’s colloquially known as the “Matt Damon,” but, regardless of the name by which you choose to refer to it, the Jersey Turnpike damns those who imbibe it to the fiery depths of blackout hell. I’m not going to sugarcoat this one, because the bartenders won’t sugarcoat it when they serve it to you. A Jersey Turnpike is a shot (or more, if you’re a savage) of either the drippings that reside within the bristles of the bartender’s bar mat or the liquid that is expelled when the bartender’s bar rag is wrung out. I know it sounds disgusting, but it’s actually not bad (if you’re the type of person who can throw the anxiety that comes with the possibility of contracting Hepatitis by the wayside… like me).
Tastes like a warm, salty long island..
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