So yeah, I be on that clickbait headline bullshit with this one. My third favorite play (after foreplay and Kid ‘n Play) is wordplay, and the double meaning of “blacked out” was just too good to pass up on. As much as I’d love for this story to be about some altruistic high school Van Wilder bringing high school and college kids together thanks to the binding powers of booze, it sadly is not.
That being said, like most stories that begin with “20-year-old high school student,” this electric tale of a drunk driving accident is no doubt a doozy.
A driver who crashed in front of Georgia Piedmont Technical College early Monday was a drunken 20-year-old Clarkston High School student, DeKalb County police said. The driver’s car left the roadway about 8:16 a.m. and hit a power pole in the 400 block of North Indian Creek Drive, knocking out power to the campus as well as Clarkston High, DeKalb police Lt. Lonzy Robertson said. The single-vehicle crash “was not the result of a chase,” he said. Clarkston was closed for about two hours, according to the DeKalb County School District. Georgia Piedmont Technical College was closed until noon while crews worked to restore power.
Is drunk driving in and of itself funny? Absolutely not. But if the sequence of events surrounding this massive fuck-up doesn’t at least make you chuckle, you’re… I don’t know. Probably a good person or something
Right off the bat, we get treated to the fact that our main character is a 20-year-old who also happens to be in high school. I had to look that over at least 10 times to make sure I was reading it correctly and not just wishing it into existence. This doesn’t seem to be one of those cases of someone less fortunate or not as smart looking to grind their way into the next stage of life, either. If you’re drunk at fucking 8 a.m. on a Monday morning, I’m pretty sure you’re not about that hustle.
Pregaming your first period class? Someone needs to tell this guy that Tim Riggins is just a fictional character and that no real high school kid could possibly be that cool while also constantly being shit hammered. Or who knows? Maybe a couple shots of vodka just magically catapulted their way into this dude’s morning OJ and the next thing he knows, his ride is balls deep in a power pole, he killed the power to an entire high school and college, and he’s definitely gonna be late for Algebra.
Authorities could not immediately reach the driver due to downed electrical wires. Remi Oroyo, another student at the college, said he saw authorities break the glass of the car and pull out the driver. “It’s a miracle,” he said. The driver was later taken into custody, Oroyo said. The driver’s name and the charges against him have not been released. According to police, he sustained minor scratches.
Whoa. Yeah, this kid is lucky to be alive; that could’ve taken a horrible turn. Maybe in a little while — when he’s wiser and in his mid-30s — this is something that he’ll be able to share a couple of laughs with his new college pals over. But probably not..
[via AJC ]
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