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20 Signs You Might Be Too Involved With Greek Life

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Our chapters can be time consuming and really fill up our schedules, but some people take it to an extreme. For the truly dedicated, Greek Life can get a little bit too much like a cult, though at least with Greek Life your charismatic leaders might ACTUALLY be charismatic, and not some creepy bearded asshole listening to Pink Floyd backwards. In any case, if too many of these apply to you, get out of town for a weekend and do something not related to the chapter. There is more to life than your Greek community, after all.

1. You have not seen your parents since pledging three years ago.

2. You have seen your family, but you haze your siblings and make them sleep in the basement and solve jigsaw puzzles in the dark out of habit.

3. You try to call badge number for perks in classes, meetings, and functions for your campus jobs and in line at the diner. You get angry when people don’t respect it.

4. Every girl you’ve ever slept with is in a sorority, and you find yourself having trouble wanting to hook up with GDI girls.

5. Despite having never held an elected position in your chapter, you’re the face guy for your chapter in the community.

6. Alternatively, you somehow have held every executive board position in your time in the chapter, several of them simultaneously. You’re like the Emperor Palpatine of fraternity executive board members.

7. Shirts not relating to philanthropy, away weekend, Greek Week or some other Greek function don’t exist in your wardrobe.

8. You have a cargo short burning ritual and wanted it to be a mandatory event for all members to attend during pledging.

9. The campus Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life staff all know you, and will go out of their way to say hi to you when they see you on campus.

10. Thanks to your packed social calendar, you can’t remember a weekend when you didn’t drink.

11. You find yourself skipping class to go to philanthropy events or sober Greek Week events, and feel less guilty about it than when you don’t go due to hangover.

12. You get asked to explain the “Greek position” on a certain cunt punt email in one of your classes.

13. “I am aware that next week is Homecoming, but I expect you all in class,” as the professor stares directly at you when speaking.

14. You actually understand sorority formal recruitment. It’s like the quantum physics of the Greek world. Even when you think you understand it, you don’t.

15. You can’t walk across campus without running into at least ten people you know.

16. Your obsessive pursuit of social excellence has basically earned you an honorary sociology degree, and the Sociology Department recognizes this at your graduation.

17. When you graduate, the campus community will treat it like they’re mourning your death rather than celebrating your graduation.

18. There’s a series of College ACB (and other gossip site) threads dedicated to you specifically.

19. IFC decides to name an award after you, despite the fact that you’re still an undergrad.

20. Your exploits are so well known throughout campus that you’ve become some Van Wilder-esque urban legend, and people don’t actually believe you exist when they meet you.


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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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