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20 Reasons To Take A Victory Lap

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20 Reasons To Take A Victory Lap-e1366297552929

We can’t all finish in four years. Shit, some of us don’t want to finish in four years. If you find yourself staring into the gaping maw of the real world and wondering what the hell you’re going to do with your life come graduation day, extending your stay may be the best option. In any case, here are some reasons you might want to take that victory lap:

1. Your BAC is higher than your GPA on any given night.

2. You have not been seen in a single one of your classes since second semester of freshman year. However, one of the pledges is now two classes away from an astrophysics degree thanks to you.

3. You just realized that “undeclared” isn’t something they’ll actually write on your diploma, and have no idea which major to choose.

4. Your current job prospects are “sketchy recent grad who mooches off the guys in the house” and “drug dealer.”

5. You have more days of the week without classes than days with classes.

6. You have to down a few drinks before having the strength to discuss academics with your parents.

7. You’re on a first-name basis with the officer that works the local lock-up on Friday nights, thanks to your laundry list of misdemeanors.

8. You’ve spent all your time with the chapter the past few years and just aren’t ready to let go.

9. You haven’t spent enough time with the chapter and need another year to cement your legacy.

10. Someone has to be that asshole that makes fun of the president and exec throughout chapter, and the JIs just aren’t ready yet.

11. You promised yourself you wouldn’t leave college with a functional liver, and that fucker is holding on for dear life.

12. You can’t bear the thought of missing fall sorority rush.

13. The “cunt punt” has only just been invented, and you need to stick around and see if the idea sticks.

14. “Work hard, party hard” turned into “party hard, wake up at 3:00pm after missing your exam” for a few semesters.

15. If there was a Nobel Prize for procrastination, you would win.

16. You can’t stop drinking all at once, because the accumulated hangover would literally kill you.

17. The job market is still pretty rough. Better sit it out another year.

18. You haven’t managed to hook up with a girl in every sorority yet.

19. You need to haze one more class of pledges before becoming a freshman of the real world.

20. Graduating in four years is like leaving a party at 10 o’clock.


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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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