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Sex is probably the greatest thing in the world. I would know [nervously laughs] [tugs at shirt collar]; I’m basically a pro at it. But some of you, I’m assuming, don’t know everything about sex like I do. There are unwritten rules that are never discussed in ninth grade health class because they are too taboo.
That’s why we have the internet. Random strangers on Reddit shared what they believe to be the most important unwritten rules about sex. Grab a pen and your composition notebook, because you’re going to want to write some of these down.
It is not to be used as a reward nor withheld for punishment.
Anybody who does this is a complete psychopath.
Laughing during sex is perfectly fine and sometimes beautiful. It doesn’t have to be rigid and serious, just have fun. If you let out a little fart by mistake, laugh it off. If the positions are awkward, make a joke.
(No laughing at body parts, though. The rule is more about laughing together, not at each other.)
Always wash your butthole
This is probably the most important rule of all.
Do not stick a floppy dick in a girl’s vagina. It’s called foreplay. Do it. Do it often.
A little foreplay is good. A lot is weird.
Communicate. Having sex with someone who is silent is like having sex with a tranquilized mattress. It sucks.
If you are having sex with someone who is completely silent, you are probably going to jail.
Don’t analyze it and turn it into a formula… and the more you want her to like it, the more she will. Your body knows what to do.
Honestly, if you are analyzing sex you need to be institutionalized.
Not in the eye
V to A, you’re ok. A to V, burns when you pee.
A to V sounds like a miserable position transfer. There should be no “to” in that discussion. Only “or.”
Sex or any type of hookup should end with both being happy. After I go down on you, it isn’t cuddle time goddamnit. Put my peter in your mouth.
This can not be emphasized enough.
If she’s asking for you to cum inside her, don’t cum inside her. Its a trap.
This should be obvious.
Pee afterwards. ALWAYS
Unless you want a child, I suggest doing this too.
If you can smell it by the time you hit the belly button, cancel the show
The smell of fish is rancid.
It’s only gay if balls touch.
If you slip out, don’t fret. Laugh it off because nothing turns the ladies on more than good, ol’ inefficient American sex.
I am a goddamn pro at Insufficient American Sex™.
Anything goes when coke is involved
Drugs can be a game-changer in the bedroom.
Don’t put your dick in crazy.
Putting your dick in a crazy is basically the equivalent of contracting an STD. That shit doesn’t go away.
No blood, piss or shit.
Only break out those three things upon request.
She’s only fat if your friends see her.
Very important words to live by.
To read more of this phenomenal thread, check it out HERE..
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