Viral list-writing supernova BuzzFeed recently published a list–obviously–that features who we can assume are Canadian citizens asking questions directed at their American neighbors. Some of the questions are rude, too, and seemingly out of nowhere. Got my jimmies mild-to-moderately rustled. A few emboldened Canadians just felt like putting us on blast, I guess. But why? Where is the anger coming from? Why y’all been acting so messed up towards us?
The article, “13 Crude Questions Canadians Have For Americans,” shows 13 pictures of people holding up questions for Americans written on white paper. They range from innocent and jovial to downright offensive. The questions can be seen HERE. They look like this:
I ran a search for the rebuttal article from the United States-headquartered BuzzFeed, you know, “13 Crude Questions Americans Have for Canadians,” because if they are going to rip on their own people, it only makes sense to fire back. Right? But I didn’t find shit! Nothing. Classic BuzzFeed.
I obviously had to write the Americanized rebuttal. Here are 13 Crude Questions Americans Have For Canadians:
- Why are y’all so concerned about what’s going on down here in the States?
- How does it make you feel that 90% of your country is too cold to live in while we’re down here just chillin’ all over the place?
- Does it bother you that people around the world simply think of Canada as America’s boring next door neighbor?
- Why does it look like a 3rd grader designed your flag using Microsoft Paint?
- Biebs is from Canada. Fuck that guy. (Not a question)
- Why don’t you have your own native food? It’s basically just American, right? Like steaks and sandwiches and shit…
- What’s the last movie you saw? It was made in America, wasn’t it?
- Check out this map that shows the population density of Canada. Why y’all trying to be so close to us all the time?
- Why do you get all of our major TV channels but we get none of yours?
- Marry, Fuck, Kill: Celine Dion, Justin Bieber and Drake
- Is it true y’all only have sex in the missionary position?
- Does it hurt your feelings that the few cool citizens you have move down here?
- Why are you all so weird and awkward looking (minus Rachel McAdams)?