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If you are planning on rushing a fraternity, assuming you don’t suck too much, the following ten rules will be very helpful in the near future:
10. Burn all cargo shorts. Buy shorts with an inseam above the knee, in khaki and preferably some pastels. It has been proven that cargo shorts are the only 100% effective form of contraception.
9. Hit the gym. Not all hazing — I mean pledging — is the same, but odds are you are going to have to carry drunk brothers home, do pushups, and perform many other forms of physical activity that are going to suck. Prepare accordingly.
8. Understand that GDI is not an abbreviation for “Gamma Delta Iota.” If you think it is, rushing probably isn’t for you. School newspapers are always looking for editors, though.
7. Buy a mattress pad. The ladies will be appreciative, and you want to cherish your minimal amount of sleep this semester as much as possible.
6. This goes without saying, but learn to pound alcohol.
5. Learn to pound more alcohol.
4. If alcohol isn’t your thing, I hear your school newspaper is still looking for editors.
3. Schedule the easiest classes possible for your pledge semester.
2. If/when you get a bid, you are a pledge. You are the slave and personal bitch of all the brothers. Always remember, though, that YOU ARE NOT A BROTHER. You are the furthest thing from a brother.
1. Pledging sucks, but do not give up. It will all be worth it.