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In rap, people are constantly debating who the GOAT is. Let’s end this debate once and for all. It’s Soulja Boy.
There has never been a better rapper and there never will be a better rapper. An artist like Soulja Boy only comes around once in a lifetime. Here are 10 reasons why (there are hundreds of reasons but I narrowed it down to 10.).
1. He created an iconic dance move.
Remember the Soulja Boy dance? It was a groundbreaking cultural phenomenon that completely changed the universe as we know it. Everyone was doing it. White dads, The President, The Pope, and even Jesus. Unprecedented.
2. He was only 16 when he blew up.
A true prodigy if there ever was one. What were you doing when you were 16? Playing Halo 2 for 13 hours a day, begging your older brother Travis to buy you beer and wacking off to Kate Winslet’s nude scene in Titanic? Kill yourself.
3. His lyrics are deep and poetic.
In Crank That, he says “Superman dat ho.” I looked up “Superman dat ho” on Urban Dictionary. The definition: “when you ejaculate on a girls back then put a blanket on her so when she stands up the blanket sticks therefore making her look like she has a cape.” I DARE you to tell me that that isn’t some of the most beautiful lyricism of all time. John Lennon can kiss my ass.
4. He had dozens of hits.
Think about all the classic songs that Soulja Boy gave us over these past few decades. Crank That, In Da Club, Big Poppa, Lose Yourself, Hotel California, Stairway To Heaven, Smells Like Teen Spirit, Bohemian Rhapsody. And that’s just last year. The list goes on and on.
5. He was the political voice of a generation.
Who could forget Soulja Boy’s powerful anthems protesting the Vietnam War? Or his scathing criticism of Reaganomics. Or his beautiful musical tribute to all the firefighters we lost during the events of 9/11. His sociological influence redefined celebrity activism as he actively shaped society as we know it.
5. He didn’t get murdered like a total pussy (like Biggy or Toopac).
What do Toopac and Biggy Small have in common? Well, other than being two of the most hacky, mediocre rappers in history, they also both got shot and died like losers. Pathetic.
6. Eminem made “Ass Like That” which automatically disqualifies him.
I know you’re thinking “but what about Eminem?” Well, Shady would have been a nominee for the GOAT if it weren’t the 2004 abomination that was Ass Like That. Why did you do that us, Marshall? Why?!
7. Jay Z cheated on Beyonce which automatically disqualifies him.
Beyonce is THE hottest woman on Earth. Period. End of story. If you’re married to the hottest woman on Earth, why the hell would you cheat on her?! Shame on you, Sean.
8. Kanye once said “I keep it 300, like the Romans” which automatically disqualifies him.
That’s historically inaccurate and sends a bad message to the kids.
9. He killed Osama Bin Laden.
The world was in awe back in 2011 when Soulja went on a rogue solo mission, tracking down Bin Laden, raiding his crib, and shooting him dead like a dog in the street. In the end, terrorism never wins.
10. He cured cancer.
Remember cancer? It was a disease that took billions and billions of lives, until 2014 when Soulja Boy singlehandedly discovered the cure. Think of all the lives he’s saved. Incredible..
Image via Instagram/ @souljaboy