Here’s the thing about airports: they’re truly a godless wasteland. Even the really nice airports, where millions of dollars have gone into making them look nice and fancy, are terrible places to be. Absolutely miserable places. Everyone is stressed. You see creatures of the abyss lurking at every terminal. Nobody in an airport has ever cracked a smile.
So, how is it possible then that according to 5,000 surveyed Americans, 10 percent have had some sort of sexual encounter in an airport. TEN PERCENT! That’s one of the McCallisters. It’s probably that sick fuck Uncle Frank. But I digress. Ten freaking percent. I’m absolutely flabbergasted on a Friday. Incredible.
From The Washington Post:
About 1 in 10 American air travelers reports having had sex of some kind at an airport, compared with about 8 percent who are members of the Mile High Club, according to an important new survey conducted by a flight-shopping website.
Of those who had some sort of “sexual encounter,” 42 percent reported that it took place in a public restroom, while 28 percent got busy in the “storage cupboards” (?) and 14 percent “under a coat.” Twelve percent coupled in the VIP lounge, which at least makes some sense; 17 percent claim to have been caught in the act by airport staff.
These numbers make zero sense. Let me break it down for you. I’ve been doing a good amount of travel for work recently. Nobody on earth is better at changing out of their suit and into athleisure in an airport bathroom than me. I’m like Superman in there. I’ve never once came across an airport bathroom that wasn’t full of hot, sweaty, miserable dudes. How the hell are people sneaking into these facilities to bang it out? Not happening. If we’re being loose with the term “sexual encounter,” then maybe people are copping to cracking stick in an airport bathroom. I bet it helps relieve the tension from the travel-induced stress.
And another thing: what the hell do people mean when they say they’re getting it on under a coat. A COAT! Are we to believe that they’re sitting there in terminal B, gate 69, and some dude is just getting an old fashioned hand jibber underneath a North Face inconspicuously laid across his lap?
Fuck outta here with that survey. No one’s smashing it out in the airport. Especially not under the watchful eye of the TSA, that’s for sure.
[via The Washington Post]
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