Who is the greatest rapper of all time? Obviously, 2pac and Biggie both immediately come to mind. Two musical legends that left permanent legacies (and one mediocre biopic) in modern pop culture history. There’s also Eminem, Jay Z, and plenty of other living legends. There’s dozens of other candidates; it’s difficult. But fuck it, let’s try our best to narrow it down.
This is the definitive list. The undisputed, 110% accurate list of all lists. These are, undoubtedly, the 10 greatest rappers of all time.
10. The Oopma Loompas from the 2005 Willy Wonka movie
I don’t know if you guys remember this flick, starring Johnny “wears bracelets in public” Depp and directed by Tim “every movie feels the same now” Burton. It can’t hold a candle to the original, BUT there’s a scene where the Oompas Loompas rap one of their songs. And they spit HOT FIRE. Fucking incredible.
9. James Franco’s character from Spring Breakers
In the 2003 Harmony Korine film Spring Breakers, James Franco plays a drug dealer/rapper named Alien. This dude has got #BARZ for days, not to mention the trashy Miami whiteboy cornrows, corny grills, and wonderful catch phrases. This dude is an undisputed hip hop legend.
8. Joaquin Phoenix
In 2009, Oscar-nominated actor Joaquin Phoenix (from Signs, Her, and many more) took a brief detour with a rap career. He grew out some long greasy hair and a big ass Galifianakis beard; it was godly. This guy was a hip hop king. Unreal. Mad respect for this wonderful man.
7. Dr. Evil
In the 3rd Austin Powers movie, there’s a scene where Dr. Evil raps, and the man is an absolute rap god. He drops one of the hottest verses in the history of humankind. It’s absolutely incredible. The man drops just ONE song and automatically becomes one of the greats. Unprecedented.
6. Alpa Chino
Known from the 2008 Ben Stiller film Tropic Thunder Alpa Chino is a music legend and an entrepreneur. Not only does he spit hot fire all day everyday, but he’s an accomplished businessman, selling his famous energy drink “Booty Sweat” and his delicious candy “Bust A Nut” bars.
5. Ali G
This British, racially ambiguous rap legend is also an accomplished journalist. He’s known for dressing fly, dropping hot verses and interviewing important politicians and scientists. Where would the world be without Ali G? I don’t even wanna know.
4. The Leprechaun from the 2000 horror film Leprechaun In The Hood
At the end of the masterful Oscar-losing film Leprechaun In The Hood, the titular villain gets on a stage and raps about being a leprechaun. It’s fucking incredible. The man is a master on the mic.
3. Whoever wrote the Danny Phantom theme song
Remember that old cartoon Danny Phantom? Remember the theme song? That shit was FIRE. Whoever wrote that deserves the President Medal Of Freedom.
There’s an old episode of Family Matters where Urkel raps. It’s. Fucking. Insane. The man is an absolute rap god. All young, up-and-coming rappers aspire to be half as good as Urkel.
1. John Cena
Back in the day, actor/WWE superstar/God among men John Cena released a rap album called You Can’t See Me. This album changed the world. It inspired a whole generation of rappers, including 2pac, Biggie, NWA and Run DMC. John Cena will always be the greatest hip hop artist to ever grab the mic. We will always worship him, even though we can’t see him..
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